I think you should be happy that your children have the huge advantage of belonging to an extended family, and that they are allowed to keep their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides of the family. She also has full custody of the kids, which means she would technically have more influence in there lives then he could just by visitation witch is several weekends a month, my parents are/where? The arrogance of believing what suits you rather than being human enough to remember there are 2 sides to EVERY story and that NO ONE knows what goes on behind closed doors. You remind me of my Stepmum who despite having been in abusive relationships herself said better the devil you know and oh but he works hard, not taking into account that I worked hard in my own way and was constantly being controlled and put down by my ex. I told my nephew how I felt about him letting my ex and his g/ f come stay there. Id be a liar to say it doesnt get under my skin. She likes the girl for whatever reasons, but I'd put down good money that she's not willing to lose her son for any length of time to keep the girl around. But your family is being disrespectful to you. When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! Most Helpful Opinions. I realised then he was probably a sociopath. There is no reason to have the EX around. I had no choice but to come to this money temple where LORD SAN did a money ritual spell that has turned me to the richest woman in my family linage, I just bought another house for my first daughter as her marriage gift. And no she cant make her family choose, however, shes is their mother and full time care giver, is she is well supported and feels safe emotionally and mentally THEN the kids will be in a better position. I listen to their stories and hold back the tears until Im alone because I dont want them to feel bad or think that they are doing anything wrong. My relationship with my parents are much colder than they were, but I at least still talk with them because they only knew about my sister and didnt say anything. We provide advice about divorce law, divorce lawyers, family law, custody, support and other divorce related issues along with a directory of divorce professionals. About a year and a half after my divorce, my little sister and her husband decided to move from California to be closer to us. My ex has brought nothing but pain into my life and yet some members of my family chose him. Im not going to tell you to fuck off. Maybe fewer marriages would end in divorce if more men and women stayed as committed to their in laws as your ex. A good mother doesnt always agree with their child but they definitely put them before a man you didnt give birth to or raise. The guilt and grief were terrible for three weeks but easing now especially when any form of contact just brings more hurt, more condemnation of the whistle blower. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. He is the father of five of their grandchildren/nieces/nephews. While my husband and I were away for a rare couples weekend and he had our girls, my ex got into a car wreck at 1:30 am after leaving them alone and going out in the night. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! He is a classic narcissist. I went through my divorce 3 years ago. readmore Have you talked to your perents, becuse there is no mention of there response. Is it possible he is a good person, her family are good people, and she has issues she needs to cleanse so she can move forward? This closeness wasnt something I was prepared for. The family member just needs to not discuss the ex or put it in your face. I have a Sister whos befriended my Xs new wife on FB it hurts Me so bad ! Last night we had my sons 21st birthday at a restaurant. 15 His Communication With Her Is Different From Other Friends. They should not be including him in family gatherings. I split with my ex wife 7 years ago before my daughter was 2. Personally, I took the high road and kept in touch with my sister because I dont want to lose a relationship with my niece and nephew. And a therapist could help you come up with some methods for dealing with your ex so you dont change who you are around him. And it sounds like they on his side. Most of his family spoke poorly of her during their time together and it seems to really be one aunt in particular who invited her to all the family functions. It will cause more pain in the family. I AM SORRY USING THAT WORD BUT IT IS TRUE. Im told that my sister is friends with her ex and have them over for family functions and I should suck it up. We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. Necessary functions or gatherings as welllike the kids birthdays, graduations and weddings and then the birth of grandchildren down the road! I hope you take my comments on board because you seem to be making this all about yourself and showing a distinct preference for your son in law to her and sorry but thats just not normal. The trouble is, is that these exes are so manipulative. Counseling? I strongly recommend therapy. To be able to act so cruelly to a blood relative is just abusive. So its not like its just up the street or even conveniently close. Wanting your childrens family to be determined by what you would like is unfair to them and denies them the connection they obviously enjoy having. You have right to feel upset that your family has not supported the boundaries you need which are to be able to be the only mother figure of your children when you are attending family events in a large group. Thats why its called a DIVORCE you need to get them to understand that. I feel worried when the kids get themselves into scary situations but he flakes out and completely ignores me. Because I kept talking about his ex. Then tell everyone around them you better pick me, because we are family because I was the victim. In such cases there is no need to force others to divorce their associations if their relationships were good. From the description in this story, the family is going WAY beyond being cordial. I cannot express the hurt that this has caused me. They got no kids. com. I wish I had better advice. It doesnt have to be divided because yall separated. It was due to the fact that most did not agree with her wanting to destroy our family for the sake of finding herself and date other men. I've been dating Tom for 1 year and our relationship is perfect, but it bothers me a little how close Nina is to his family. Selfish, arrogant, and childish. What is X??? There are answers to thisyou can fight back and regain your life, but not until you understand how a narcissist works. Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. He started going around to every family who would listen Lying making his story mine and I had no idea until I got some strange comments and reactions from some of my family. Go with your gut. It doesnt matter how much time has passed! contact dr peter today for any spell , death spell , love spell , money spell , deliverance spell , healing spell,spell to remove black magic out of your life , family and marriage, I need to cut ties woth my oldest ex boyfriends and family am i bring unreasonable no. It was a brutal divorce, with her filing affidavits and court subpoenas of credit cards. My mother told me when I was in my thirties. I wonder how he would feel if the the tables were turned. I have realised that they are very much into appearances and that youre only an acceptable member of the family if you work 40 plus hours a week and are constantly trying to better yourself materially. If you cannot expect your family to be loyal, supportive, and defend you in this difficult adjustment period then what is the point of even having a family? She never asks me how things are going with my Ex, and when my cousins are around and THEY ask, she stays really quiet- WHICH of course is indicative that she realizes that her relationship with him is not 100% kosher. It is a betrayal and hurts very deeply to lose your mother before she is dead. The day the couple got married, they became his family. Family means everything to me, so I didn't hesitate to bond with my ex-boyfriend's family when we were dating. But its controlling to expect the family to break their close bond because you have. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. Wow! No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. I think this is nuts. Even if he never hurt you, its blurred boundaries, in my opinion. My ex committed a crime shortly after we got married. Her family should have been their for her & her kids. Thats how beyond myself I am!!! He needs to take a hike. My siblings were fooled and much family as well. They didnt believe me even though I never told one lie whereas he just behaved like the complete victim and told lie after lie. If you respond yes, did you need restraining orders? But it hurts like hell. He set out to retain his long friendship with my other daughter and husband and of course, this was and is very upsetting for my daughterhis ex. She goes to all family functions, we dont get invited. Even going as far as making it clear that he wishes she could be included, offering to not be there etc. and i was never invited. By remaining friends with his ex's family, he is subjecting himself to lifelong and indirect contact with his ex, through her family. Who knows. I almost get the feeling that your family doesnt truly understand how hard it is for you. I feel she is and would be ever willing to compromise whereas the impression is given that they are just not willing to listen to or respect her feelings and that is NOT healthy and indeed the hallmark of emotional abuse. My family used to say that they stayed in touch with him and sent him holiday gifts because if something should happen to me theyd need that relationship to see the children. Talk to others about it. This year he started working on the kids. Destroy what could have been a possible growth and learning experience. My ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads and my Dad wouldnt drive 7 miles to my Mums to drop it off! When i arrived, having had to walk, upset there was my husband sat cool as a cucumber drinking coffee with my Dad. It takes work sometimes painful work but itsi possible. It may say something more about you than your ex. male Im still dealing with the bitterness particularly from my mother that she can not let go of. My husbands ex still hangs with his family along with her new husband. He acts like any feelings are my problem, or he doesnt care about how I feel as if its an annoyance. He raised my kids with me but always treated them different then the kids we had together, my ex hated my family always complained about them and talked crap about them. I have a similar situation with my sister and mother. why did you breakup. Clearly your ex is better off without you and some other woman now sees the good in him that you took for granted and that causes you to be incredibly bitter and resentful. I know exactly how you feel. I not only lost her, but I loved her kids as if they were mine. Just because your family gets along with your ex-husband and the father of your children, dont feel as though this is a threat to the bond YOU have with them. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. Do you not have a family of your own? Your family sound like they are overstepping boundaries. It seems possessive, like shes making sure I know shes always going to be around? Oh Boy @Brandon says and @Rena williams, yall sound toxic AF. There was no support or concern. When my partner announced his ex and three youngest children were moving in with him that evening, conventional thinking said that I should lose my cool. Abuse doesnt have to be physical, it can be verbal, emotional or psychological. My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. The easy solution is don't show up when she'll be there, columnist Carolyn Hax says. Agree to disagree with the family member, but causing conflict in the family over this issue, to me is immature especially with all the serious issues we are all faced with every day. I understand what she is going through and I kinda agree with you % they should cut ties with the exssorry doesnt make any differences if they are good or badits truly disrespectful for siblings. Her reply was pretty much he was wrong for being upset, wrong for being upset with her, that she didnt tell him because she was going to suprise him on his birthday. Not even any point trying to reason with anyone lacking in any true understanding, remorse or basic psychological knowledge so best to just ignore these entities and hope they rebirth as something worth discussing, Totally unacceptable and hurtful! Well, I thought it was heading in the right direction, but lately, hes been very depressed. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded . Work together to find some ground, or maybe just getting out in the air alone will make you feel better. 8 years still dealing with his manipulation and my families insanity.but slowly the truth is making its way out and I continue to get healthier..1-by not participating in his games, 2 by not communicating with people who support his cruelty and manipulation, 3 prayer, prayer, prayer, 4 healthy choices for your everyday life, take care of youthe kids will keep watching and seeing that you are healthier, happier stronger and one day probably hate all the people who have been hurting you. Him and my sister in law last year a year after we divorced started hanging out with my ex! I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. He was sensitive enough to my sisters childishness that he would not come over when she was around. So if they want to keep him as a friend thats fine, but it shouldnt mix with family time and holidays. Dislike Your Stepchildren But Love Your Spouse? Since then my family still only wants to talk to me only to tell me what they have. I believe she said she did talk to a professional and thats what the PROFESSIONAL labeled them. But that was not my fault, but I still look at it sadly.. Hes even gone out of his way to show attention to her sons. If your partners ex is still in their life, there are some questions you may want to ask, just to make sure everything is on the up and up with you two, and so you can feel secure in the relationship if their ex's presence makes you feel icky. "Communicate openly with friends and family of your ex . Hes in his early 20s and is hopping around from girl to girl while having just welcomed his son, Paul last January from a previous relationship (Paul is not my actual child, by the way. My family was aware my ex treated me badly at the end. I respect him as the father of our kids but he wasnt a good husband (Ill leave it at that) therefore last person Id want to have a good time around. He has my family. She shouldnt have to continue being around her ex at her family events. Long story short. "I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than 3 years. One last thing my parents went to thier graves not knowing the truth about our brackup they had assumed it was because of me but the truth is it was the ex who cheated. However when I come home for holidays no exs are allowed because my family respects my wishes and I bring my husband and dog with me. I was so confused and looking for help, I dont know what to do until I met my friend Cassie, and I told her my problem. In court, it was obvious because he kept trying use their relationship against me in court! What ever happened to family loyalty. Have you spoken with them about how you feel? And have to stress, I have never once expressed any ill feelings towards my mom/sisters involvement with the ex. We could not stand to look at the man that caused her pain. My mom told me later that night how she contacted (love solutiontemple .c o m) that did a spell to make my husband open up the truth and make him remorseful to come apologized. S exactly! He says that she is a "very, very close friend and he loves her like a sister." If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make. Infidelity on one side led to infidelity on the other side, and I finally realized that I needed to end things as they were so very toxic. Other than that he is no longer in my life or my extended familys life. With all due respect we arent talking about reasonably well adjusted people who simply get on with exes for the sake of the family unit. I think I was in denial. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. People make choices. Shes smart, everyone else is dumb. I know where youre coming from. I would sometimes laugh it off, and he has stopped contacting my dad asking for help, and hes also stopped contacting me (mostly because I have him blocked on everything). I couldnt agree with you more! My sister and her husband now have limited contact with my oldest son. Perhaps he is a more hands on father but perhaps he is also a good actor? It really is more about their own limitations and small mindedness. My children are adults now. Maybe you get a man a focus on your own relationships. The question is how much more do you need to! Bottom line family should stand behind family. For my family, even if my parents liked my bf's they'd always cut ties because it's just the thing you do. If you feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into contact with her abuser, stand your ground. After 3 heartbreaking years and my brother and two grandchildren (also ostracised by default) I began to heal and I cannot believe how healthy and happy my life has become. Im sorry for what youre going through, youre not alone. I still have no sympathy for him, at least not as much as my mother does but you know what? And its not giving you time to heal from the pain of divorce. That is supposed to be your family not his. He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them. Sorry your family has better perception than you. You left the marriage you are wanting your family to choose sides he didnt ask for any of it you made those choices just because it seems like he has moved on with his life and found happiness again and you are living in the past doesnt mean he is doing anything wrong. I would never again allow them to meet anyone Im involved with. They all include him in holidays, excluded me and still continue to invite him, sometimes now me as well, but I do not join as the pain is so deep. My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. That hasnt stopped my mother who still invites him over on his own. christmas, divorce, his ex, insecure. Arent the two families supposedly joined together through marriage? Hes texting or contacting her behind your back. I dated an African American man and they lied as a team to try and Control me and have me involuntarily committed to a mental hospital for dating out of the family race . I also was tired of being controlling and such to my family. Is there more to the story that you dont know? Divorce doesnt mean contact ends. you are divorced because this man has hurt you so by your family hanging out with him and being okay with him, is the same thing as saying he was okay to hurt you. Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. Sadly, but comforting, I have found out that my daughter is not alone in this situation. My exs parents died and he inherited quite a bit. Im sure she is not doing the same with her ex-in laws! "name": "Does it hurt to see your family keep meeting your ex? 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